smell the lilacs
finding ways to be when words don't come
This week I feel like the luckiest human in the world. Without knowing it, we moved into an apartment building that is blessed with a back alley full of lilac bushes that all go into full bloom at the same time every spring. Creating a beautiful purple wall. It’s enough lilacs in one spot for the delicate aroma to lift and waft through the air. You can smell them from a distance, even when you’re not directly next to them.
The smell of lilacs has always made me feel like … everything is going to be okay. So to bathe in their scent for the brief time that they are in bloom invites me into a presence I forget I am capable of.
It’s been a transformative and honestly challenging two months since Taj was discharged from the hospital. I can of course only speak from my perspective of being Taj’s partner. We’ve been together for almost seven years and have witnessed so much of each other. This chapter, is a whole new way of life for both of us. We are constantly learning and adapting in our own ways. We hold space for how much it evolves on a daily basis. We don’t always acknowledge the depth of what has actually happened. It’s heavy, complex and impossible to put this experience into words. When I do put it into words, I feel like I minimize the enormity of it. In therapy this week I realized that I keep it pretty close to my chest because of this.
At the beginning of this week I set the intention to visit the lilacs in the back alley and smell them every day. Whether I’m coming or going I walk over and say a little hello and bury my nose in the fragrant gift that only lasts a short while. We usually drive out of the alley when leaving the house so I always roll the windows down to take a deep inhale for the road.
Earlier in the week I saw a neighbor drinking coffee outside in the morning and asked “have you ever smelled these?” He shook his head no, I told him, “you have to smell them! It’s the best smell in the whole world!” As I walked away I saw him stand up and walk over. I hope he enjoyed the gift of a new smell.
The smell takes me back to childhood and the lilac bushes we had on our farm. My parents would cut a couple of stems to put in a vase so we could enjoy the scent inside. Even now, when I go out to visit my Dad this time of year he always cuts a stem off for the ride back so I can soak up the smell for the 2 hour car ride. Lilacs are the first perennial I really ever had a relationship with, always anticipating their return and absolutely delighted when they made their annual visit.
I am in the process of learning a lot about perennials now. I was recently asked to become the new garden bed keeper for our apartment building. The sweet neighbor who looked after them for the past 4+ years moved to Florida in April and I am determined to do it justice!
It’s incredible to me, to appreciate the plants that keep coming back again and again. To watch the way they take turns in their blooming cycles, giving each other center stage for their prime moment before they pass the baton on to the next bout-to-be-bloom.
My friends
& recently told me about how Japan has 72 poetic micro-seasons that take time to appreciate the small and sweet changes that happen within the bigger seasons. We each compared where our birthdays fell and shared our corresponding micro-seasons. My birthday, July 7th, falls under the micro-season, “warm winds blow” 🥺 Isn’t that…just…beautiful?This past month I’ve been thinking a lot about what micro-seasons would exist here in Wisconsin for this time of year. I imagine that middle of April would have been “magnolias bloom” and beginning of May would be “lilacs blossom”. This is the calendar I want to live my life by.
I love Spring because everything starts to come back to life — reminding us that we can too. The days get longer, stretching time to make us feel like we have more of it. The heat of the sun reaches the beach rocks, making the perfect bed for beach glass hunting. The air is fragrant. There are pops of color in the most surprising places.
Wherever you are this week, I hope that you can be reminded of the presence that you are capable of — even in life’s most complex seasons.
And if you don’t have words to describe what you’re living through, I hope that you can find ways to just be and feel that bring you pleasure and joy.
I hope that you can be surrounded with reminders that life keeps moving and there is preciousness in all seasons.
With Love,
Jenna
Is there anything happening in your life that is too difficult to put into words? What are some ways that you might be able to carve out some processing time in non-verbal ways?
What are some local plants near you that you’ve taken notice of recently? What do you enjoy about them? How do you feel supported by their presence?
Join me and look up what Japanese micro-season your birthday falls under here! Invite a friend to do the same, talk to each other about how your corresponding micro-season does or does not resonate with you
Make a list of some of the outdoor activities you really enjoy (or think you would enjoy!) that you can only do in warmer weather — is there something on that list you’d like to make time to do this month?
Hearing about y’alls experiences with Spring Time, my new hypnosis album! I’ve been loving the feedback that the tracks are definitely taking you on a journey :)
Taj and I’s long awaited nothing day yesterday. No phones. No demands. Nothing on the calendar. A chance to just be at home with each other and our cats. And a spontaneous photoshoot!
Watching all of the student encampments on campuses across the country standing with and for Palestine! Watching Wisconsin join in this week moved me to tears. I also drove past Milwaukee high schoolers protesting on Wednesday morning outside of school and cried again.
May is Mental Health Awareness Month! I’ve been having a deep wave of gratitude wash over me lately. To have spent the last six months integrating my ADHD & Autism diagnosis with my AuDHD affirming therapist. I feel like therapy is actually working for me for the first time in my life because I finally have language to talk about my experiences and a new lens in which to filter everything through. I am so grateful. I am so grateful. I am so grateful.
Thank you for sharing with us Jenna, it feels so special to get a glimpse of your life🙏🏼 I made lilac flower essence during the Scorpio full moon and gave them out as gifts🥰